Take Me Out To The Bolsheveks Take Me Out To The Bolsheveks
Join the Blue Ribbon Anti-Censorship Campaign!
In the summer of 1995 baseball returned to the ballparks of America. The sport rebounded from it's stupidest season ever with renewed determination, renewed vigor, and most importantly, renewed contracts. It was a bit of a miracle comeback for a sport which metaphorically spit in the fans faces because they were arguing about how to spend the fans' money.
In the fall of the same year the Communist party in Russia had a resurgance of it's own, winning a majority of the parliment, or whatever it is kids are calling it these days. With such a strong showing, and other tell-tale signs such as Gorbachev entering the Presidential race and a parlimentary attempt to recreate the USSR, it appears that the Soviet Union, although technically no more, is still trying to be relevant in today's world headlines.
How do these relate? Well, the Atlanta Braves won the world series, and we heard about Gorbachev on CNN. So in honor of Ted Turner, GravityWeb proudly presents are all new, written in 1996, realizing that it's an anachronism and saying that's what makes it funny, shiny, happy comparison of
The USSR
|
Major League Baseball
|
|---|---|
| A Gravity Compare and Contrast Feature | |
| By Ross Garmil (Red Sox Fan) and Noel Rappin (Cubs Fan) | |
| Red Square |
Red Sox
|
| October Revolution | Reggie "Mr. October" Jackson |
| Tearing down of Berlin Wall devistated generations of Communists | Tearing down of Ebbets Field devistated generations of Dodger fans |
| USSR allegedly based on the teaching of Karl Marx | Baseball allegedly based on the rules by Abner Doubleday |
| World War II caused mass devistation | World War II caused best players to be drafted, devistating play |
| Takeover of Eastern Europe expanded size of USSR | Creation of new teams expanded baseball to 28 teams. |
| Communist Party exerted tight control over the media | Any rebroadcast, retransmission or other use of this game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is Prohbited |
| Valdymir Iliovich Lenin | George Herman Babe Ruth |
| Vodka is the national drink of USSR | "Ice cold beer here, get your beer here" |
| Though no longer a superpower, Russia maintains seat in UN Security Council | Though no longer most popular sport, still called "The National Pasttime" |
| Ural Mountains |
Colorado Rockies
|
| Political prisoners were sent to the Gulags | Many criminals later signed by the New York Mets |
| The Internationale sung at most events | National Anthem sung at most events |
| Party prejudice against Jews | Rain outs scheduled on Yom Kippur so Kofax couldn't pitch |
| Cuba heavily supported by USSR | AAA teams heavily supported by Major Leagues |
| Russian Bear |
Chicago Cubs
|
| Political dissidents seek asylum | Free agents seek larger contracts |
| Workingmen of the world unite! | If you build it, he will come |
| Iron Curtain | Foul Line |
| Sputnik | "It's out of the park!" |
| Back in the USSR | Take me out to the ball game |
| Siberian Tiger |
Detroit Tigers
|
| Pravda | Sports Illustrated |
| Communist Party elimnates economic competition | Major League baseball has a traditional antitrust exemption |
| Striking underpaid Polish workers led by Lech Walesa | Striking overpaid baseball players led by Donald Fehr |
| The Communist Manifesto | The offical Rule Book |
| USSR had many "fellow travelers" in US | Many fans travel cross country to see games in new parks |
| Kruschev pounded shoe on podium at UN | Ty Cobb spiked players with his shoes |
| Elaborate youth organizations create young communists | Little League |
| Official corruption epidemic | Pete Rose |
| May Day | Bat Day |
| Elaborate economic planning done by central committee | Elaborate statistics prepared by STATS, Inc |
Copyright 1996 by Noel Rappin and Ross Garmil.
This page is not a publication of the Georgia Institute of Technology and the Georgia Institute of Technology has not has not edited or examined the content. the author(s) of the page are solely responsible for the content.
While we are on the subject, we should mention that we have no official connection to Brandeis University, and they are not responsible for any content here either. GravityWeb is not affiliated with the current editors of Gravity on the Brandeis Campus.
Other people who are not responsible for content of this page include Bill Clinton, Herman Mellville, William Shakespeare, Jim Henson, JoJo the Dog-Faced Boy, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, Chuck Jones, Our Parents, and the letters "q" and "z".
