Ever since the NBC sitcom Mad About You ran a whole episode about the "Six
Degrees of Kevin Bacon", the notion of Six Degrees of Separation has been kicking around public consciousness. In the game Six Degrees of Kevin
Bacon, the object is to be able to link any actor to Kevin Bacon in six steps. The idea is that we're all separated from every other person on
the planet by only 5 intervening people. Using this rather flimsy train of thought, I'm probably only 2 degrees from the President because I
know someone who knows the Governor who knows the President.
The ugly truth is, the idea of Six Degrees of Separation is pointless. Sure I may be 3-4 degrees from really famous or powerful people but I'm
also probably a mere one degree away from the guy who ticketed my car for stupid reasons. I'm three or four degrees away from all of the idiots in
government and probably the same distance from some of the corporate bastards that robbed the American public of retirement pensions and life
savings. Knowing that I'm this close to so many people that I loathe on principle makes me uncomfortable so I devised a new and more relevant
scale of conscious connectedness - Six Degrees of GARA or Six Degrees of Giving A Rat's Ass.
The GARA principle is very simple. Each degree of GARA means that you care less and less about that person. At 0 or negative GARA degrees are
the people that you really couldn't give a Rat's Ass about or that you loathe with a passion. You wouldn't or shouldn't waste the time of day
even thinking about them. But most of us, being human, usually entertain a few daydreams if not active plans for removing those negative GARA
people from the face of the planet. The following is a list of the levels with their explanations plus some examples taken from my own life.
This is fairly easy. These are people that you actually care about, possibly to the point of donating organs if necessary.
My Family
Very Close Friends
These are people that you're close to but maybe not to the point of organ donation. You probably help each other out from time to time or hang out with them because you like their company a lot.
1st Degree group of your own 1st degree group - like kids of close friends for example.
Close Colleagues
Close Relatives not immediate family
Friends
These are people that you're close to because of circumstances. You interact with them often either professionally and socially. These are either close acquaintances or close interaction relationships.
Estranged Relatives that would be more than 3 degrees off but are not because of the "blood is thicker than water" thing.
Friends made distant by time, space, or circumstance
People in your workplace that you like
People that you meet often for social things (like softball or dancing)
These are people that you may not actually know or talk to anymore but care about them for some reason. You may think about them from time to time.
Former influential teachers
Other people in my field
People who are good members of their communities
People who are good role models
The NPR News Staff and similar journalists with integrity
The average police officer / EMT / firefighter
These are people who I pay attention to because they're interesting to follow, currently in the public eye, unique, or happen to have some characteristic that would actually cause me to take interest somehow.
Certain very talented, down-to-earth or altruistic actors/athletes/ artists/performers/writers etc. (Paul Newman, for example)
Most children in the world (probably the only true victims in most instances because they don't have any control over their lives)
People in your workplace that you don't want to give a rat's ass about but you have to because you work with them)
People who just happen to share the same hobbies or interests
Political leaders who show evidence of having a backbone
The LA Lakers (but mainly because my Dad's a fan of them)
This category of people contains all the people that I might give a rat's ass about but only barely. They just happen to be the same species and they're not doing harmful things. In general, they compose the non-useless members of the Human Race that aren't already in the 0 or negative category. In other words, if Earth were to be invaded by aliens bent on destroying all human life, you might give a rat's ass about the people in this group. The only way for me to define this with examples is to list some of the people in the 0 and negative degree categories. After removing these from the big gene pool of the human race, anyone left is in my category of Basically Harmless.
These are people who you consider to be basically worthless but not worth
hating. You'd show more concern about the plight of the household roach or saving the kudzu vine from extinction in the Southern United States
before feeling anything but mild concern regarding the lives of these people.
Academic Intellectuals who live 24/7 in the Ivory Tower and seem to have nothing better to do than criticize people in the real world. ;-)
Americans Who Don't Vote
Professional Baseball, Basketball, and Football players whining about not making enough money
Bad drivers
Disney executives
Drug addicts
Isolationists
Material Girls
Minor criminals
Most politicians (from either party)
Most Pop Stars
People who are unprofessional at work
"Real" Men
Roommates that had their asses wiped for them until the age of 18
People who put everyone else at Zero Degrees of GARA
Smokers
Swiss Bankers
Telemarketers
Welfare addicts
Whiny daytime talk show guests
These are people who are in your reality somehow and you would be much happier if they weren't. I'm sure there's a way of splitting this category into 6 degrees where Level -6 is wanting to carpet bomb this individual with a combination of ebola, napalm, and mini-nukes but actually bothering to articulate these levels and give examples violates the GARA principle. Naturally, this is usually a longer list consisting of more people then you'd like to admit.
Ambulance Chasing Lawyers (all forms)
Bad or Indifferent Parents
Drug Dealers
"Ferret" - a loser roommate I had in undergrad
Hypocritical, Deceptive, and/or Greedy Business Leaders
Hypocritical, Deceptive, and/or Greedy Political Leaders
Hypocritical, Deceptive, and/or Greedy Religious Leaders
Overpaid Corporate Executives only interested in personal gain
People who are intolerant towards other religious beliefs
People who don't take responsibility for their actions
Poachers (and the people who buy/sell their products)
Psychopaths, Serial Killers, Criminally Insane, etc
Racists (every single damn one of them of any nationality or race)
Religious leaders who use their position to gain wealth and power
Spammers
Joe Bayes made this comment:
Good idea, but your scale is
lumpy:
^ #
| # #
r a # # #
a s # # # #
t s # # # # #
' e # # # # # #
s s # # # # # # #
# # # # # # # #
-x 0 1 2 3 4 5 6
GARA ->
Not sure how to fix it, though, since in 6DOS, "0" is "I am the
person", but "I give zero rat's asses" has such a nice ring to
it.
So, are the negatives, "I wouldn't care about them even if *you* gave *me*
a rat's ass"?
