My apologies for grandstanding. This is not a real review. I walked out of
the movie about 20 minutes into the flick. The last movie that I wanted to walk
out of was U-571 and I made it
through most of it with a short water break in the middle. I've even sat through
Twin Dragons, Dungeons
and Dragons, Lost World, and
so on, not to mention all those horrible B flicks that make it to HBO like Fortress
with Christopher Lambert (and boy did that stink). Joel stayed behind in the
theater so hopefully he'll stick it through and have something better to say
about the rest of it and provide a more objective review, drive-in totals, and
Good and Bad Movie numbers.
Here are my reasons for leaving early in ascending order of importance:
1: Really awful setups for fights. Example: Villain accompanied by gang of 8
Triad members sees Chan's character recognizing her. Her response, take her gang
running like hell across the street and up the bamboo scaffolding of a building
being renovated. Uh...sure. But, I could be overly harsh. This might actually be
the preferred method of escaping if you're a Triad gang in Hong Kong and I'm
just showing my street ignorance by expressing my disbelief.
2: Really horrible dialogue - comedic or otherwise. The Tucker-Chan buddy
dynamic is forced and the plot related dialogue was churned out by formula. I
don't know how to better establish a buddy dynamic with dialogue in a couple
minutes but I do know that having the two of them sing an off-key version of
California Girls when they first appear on screen doesn't do it for me.
3: Chris Tucker as a really stupid character. I have nothing against a movie's
wanting a character for comic relief. The comic relief character is there to
break up tension, to change the mood of a movie at appropriate moments, and to
give the main character a dialogue partner. I have great objections to a
secondary character who basically hijacks the picture out of sheer ego. After 4
minutes, I had trouble believing that this is the kind of guy who could make it
through any kind of police academy (and I've seen 3 of the Steve Gutenberg
Police Academy pictures, too). After another 5 minutes, I had trouble believing
that this guy could get work as a comedian.
----------------Here is the main reason-----------------------------
4: 90% of the dialogue coming from Chris Tucker. Tucker is the Ugly American on
vacation in a foreign country but magnified about ten times. The Ugly American
is that tourist who manages to offend everyone one with ignorance of and disdain
for the local language, customs, and people. This trait is not isolated to
American tourists but it seems to have originated with Americans first. (I can't
take credit for associating this term with the movie - I got it from Roger
Ebert's review - and he's right.) Now Tucker's act and dialogue would be mildly
funny if it were clever or penetrating or, God forbid, original. Unfortunately
it's a rehash of old jokes and clichés about Asians and it was so persistent
that I just couldn't take it anymore. The man simply wouldn't shut up. Robin
Williams can run on at the mouth and have everyone in stitches whether he's
saying something offensive or not. Williams is a genius and he can get away with
stuff like that. Tucker goes on and on like a comedian who senses that his
material isn't funny but wants to get it all out hoping that someone will like
it. The one scene I did find amusing was Jackie Chan translating in Cantonese
for Tucker, apologizing for him and saying that his friend was drunk. Now
someone might argue that Jackie Chan is in the picture so I should not have
found the movie offensive. I thought about that but when it comes right down to
it, the only reason Chris Tucker is in the picture at all is because Hollywood
doesn't believe that Chan could hold his own by himself in an American-produced
picture because Chan's English skills are so poor. If you ignore me and sit
through the movie, you'll notice that there's a Jackie Chan movie happening but
there's this annoying character and dynamic overlaid on top of it that ruins it.
You could take out the Chris Tucker character entirely and have a much better
movie.
Now to be completely honest, I will say that I seemed to be in the minority.
There were plenty of people in the audience that found this movie to be very
funny if the laughter was any indication. So, I might be falling into the
critic's trap of being so sensitive to how movies are made and what makes them
good that I can't enjoy the simple pleasure of a funny and simple comedy any
more. It could be a combination of my slightly pissy mood at the time, the
thunderstorm I drove through to get to the theater, and the really disorganized
lines in the foyer that we waited in before the movie started. Thus, there's
plenty of room for uncertainty but if you go to see it, don't say I didn't warn
you.
By the way, if you're a resident of Atlanta, don't go to Perimeter Pointe
United Artist theaters. In addition to having their heads up their asses with
organizing lines and such, they were really rude about giving me my refund. I
first had to argue with the box office girl (who thought I was being an a**hole
for arguing with her) that I hadn't seen a third of the movie and that 10
minutes of the time elapsed in the theater was commercials and previews. Then
she offered the argument - "If you drank a third of a Coke, you wouldn't
expect a refund would you?" Of course, you never think of the right thing
to say on the spot but my answer should have been, "If I find a severed
finger in it after drinking this Coke, you better damn well give me a
refund." Also, on my way out of the theater, I saw a lot of kids cluttering
up in the aisles and against the back wall to get a better view of the movie.
Bad fire hazard material there. Bad night all around.
P.S. And this is exactly the type of movie that makes me glad that I'm not a
movie critic who has to see these things for a living. Even as a public service.
