Make way for Mike Murphy!
Say hey for Mike Murphy!

Hey, clear the way in the Cluster Wean
C-Cons cheer him on, he's our favorite Dean, oh
Stop playing Netrek; come and shake his hand
Send Zephyrs, click the mice, 
Here he comes, ain't he nice
We all think he's really grand

Mike Mur-phy, marvelous he
Student Affairs Dean
Bow down low, kiss his big toe
Pray devoutly
Now don't go having a cow
Just give him seventeen thou
And come and meet his spectacular faculty

Mike Mur-phy, mighty is he
Student Affairs Dean
Frightens men just with his pen
Bu*reau*-cratically
He faced the Board of Trustees
A horde of suits with goatees
Who brought those goons to their knees
Why, Mike Murphy!

He'll build a University Center
(Isn't it lovely, Harriet?)
With funds from the Activities Fee
(Absolutely, I love the tennis courts)
And though for Skibo we will lament-er
Have you seen the plans?
I tell you man
It's a world-class insanity!

Mike Murphy, handsome is he
Student Affairs Dean
Those red ties, tears in my eyes
Dressed so smartly
Yes, he's a guy with true class
A winning smile and nice ass
So stand aside, let him pass
Great Mike Murphy

He's got seventy-five red-tape flunkies
(Here come the flunkies, let's see the flunkies)
But they'll give you blank forms all for free
(They're bureaucrats, such bureaucrats)
Yes, the school's run by suit-wearing monkeys
(Love those power ties)
Who do as he says
Accomplices
Because they've sold their souls to he, Mike Murphy
Mike Murphy

Mike... 
Mur-phy, godlike to see
Student Affairs Dean
Heard your campus was a place
Hellish to be
So there, good folks, is your luck
With him as Dean you are stuck
With sixty student aides, lawyers galore
His secretarial harem and more
His forty servants, his priest, his curates
Two sheep (well, maybe it's three)
Make way
For
Mike Murphy!