I've just discovered that a miracle of nature and cnews the ENTIRE FAQ has been posted to a non-alt group so that poor
sods w/out alt group access (read: ga. tech) can enjoy many more
quality lemur jokes!  It's aricle #1 in talk.answers!!

[This is from the tech alumuni and general net god spaf's "yucks" list.
I thought it was the piece de resistance this issue so I put it
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
Sender: Philosophy Discussion
Subject: (n@Nd0)      Chicken sexers & epistemology
Date:         Tue, 12 Jan 1993 02:05:11 -0500

Does anyone out there know details or citations on
epistemological arguments concerning chicken sexers?

In philosophical oral tradition, I've heard it claimed more than
once that there are workers called chicken sexers, whose task is
to identify the sex of newborn chicks.  The claim is that
ordinary people are unable to tell male chicks from female.  But
specially skilled chicken sexers can pick up a chick in the palm
of a hand, and say instantly and accurately what the sex of the
chick is.

This determination of gender is said to have odd epistemological
features, which vary with the teller of the story.  In one
version, the chicken sexer makes the determination of sex without
having any empirical evidence of the chick's sex.  In another
version, there is empirical evidence, but the chicken sexer is
unable to say what that empirical evidence is.  Perhaps there are
other versions, alleging other epistemological oddities.

I recently had the opportunity to discuss chicken sexers with a
poultry farmer.  He had only a limited grasp of epistemology, but
seemed sure of his facts.  He said that there are indeed chicken
sexers, and that they determine the sex of chicks very quickly
and accurately, and entirely empirically.

He said they squeeze the chick until it defecates.  They then
note details of the color and texture of the feces, as well as
the shape and color of the orifice -- and these differ
perceptibly between male and female chicks.  He said chicken
sexing is a learnable skill, and that chicken sexers could
readily show and explain how they tell the difference.  They are
only remarkable, he said, for the speed with which they work.

He added that nowadays genetic engineering is making it possible
to breed chicks with readily visible differences of feather color
to distinguish sex, and that old fashioned chicken sexers are
becoming obsolete.

Do claims about the epistemology of chicken sexing appear in the
philosophical literature anywhere, or are they just academic
folklore?  All help appreciated.

Eric Lerner
Department of Philosophy & Religious Studies

[I hope this isn't part of a religious study!

Reminds me of how you tell the difference between a gerbil and a
hamster.  The hamster has more dark meat....  --spaf]


[In the urban folklore newsgroup there has been a thread about what people 
should "really say" over PA systems in discount retail stores (K/WAL
 MART,etc).  I really like the first suggestion. --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (Stewart Tame)
Subject: Re: PA system mishaps
Date: 1 Feb 93 04:37:51 GMT
Organization: Eastern Michigan University

In article <> (Jeremiah Wilton) writes:
>Also - it is very easy to make announcements in places like Wal-Mart and
>Meijer's using the nice wall phones conveniently located throughout the store.
>Some good announcements might be: "Jaws of life to aisle 6" or "An associate
>from Auto Repair to Womenswear, please" or "Attention Wal Mart shoppers, the
>first customer to correctly identfy the placostamus is the live fish tank and
>bring it to the service desk wins a free TV!"

Anyone who wants to try it at a Meijer, the number to get into the paging
system is 79.

I just know I'm going to get fired for this . . . 

		-- Stewart "works at Meijer for food (and rent)" Tame

 I understand it's obligatory to mention Kibo somewhere in one's postings.
Disclaimer:  Not only do my opinions represent those of Eastern Michigan
University, but also those of Dan Quayle, Richard Nixon, Frank Zappa,
Pee-wee Herman, Bart Simpson, Tipper Gore, Murphy Brown, Maggie Thatcher,
and the Easter Bunny.

[Only a nerd cheater...  --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (Chris Hudel)
Subject: Re: Methods of cheating
Date: 5 Feb 93 18:05:57 GMT
Organization: Hewlett Packard (Panacom Division)
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8.7] wrote:
: Does anyone know of any good stories about "cheating" in college? Things like
: breaking into school computer system to fix grades, methods of cheating on
: exams etc.
It's not really *cheating* per se, but I do know of a little trick to
expand those 'cheat sheets' that some profs allow into the final exam.

Take your legal cheat sheet and copy all of your notes (naturally, in small
type of course!) and when you've filled up the sheet, just switch to
a different coloured pen and write on top.  For your exam, bring in
the cheat sheet and the correctly coloured glasses (ie: 3-d glasses
work fine, depending on your cheat sheet ink choice) and voila!  Close
one eye and you see one full page of notes.  Look through the other
eye and you see another! ;-)


PS: I leave the discovery of "appropriate" inks and gels to you.  Afterall,
    you have to learn *something* at college/university, eh?

                                                         Chris Hudel
business:                         519/883-3080
(Pleasure forwards to business...)       - all comments are mine, not HP's - 

[Great new group idea.... -ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
Subject: (n@Nd0) Newsgroup alt.guinea.pig.conspiracy created
Date: 12 Feb 93 08:15:35 GMT

pacbell!!sgiblab!!!!!!mason requested that a new newsgroup called 'alt.guinea.pig.conspiracy' be created.
It was approved by

You can accomplish this by creating the newgroup yourself
In other words, by executing the command:
/u/spool/news-lib/inews -C alt.guinea.pig.conspiracy 

pacbell!!sgiblab!!!!!!mason says:
Short Description:
They're here for a reason. It's been kept quiet UNTIL NOW...
Long Description:
This group will serve a couple of purposes. Its primary purpose, as I see it,
is to provide a place for creative discussion centered on the "Evil Guinea
Pig Threat." This will be the basis, hopefully, for short, creative bits of
"paranoid fiction."

Hopefully, with time, a mythos will be created, which will have as a part of
it a history of the Guinea Pig Conspiracy. When did they start their plotting?
What is their purpose and intent? What steps are they taking to achieve their
diabolical goals? Just how do they get out of their cages when you're not
there, to go to their secret meetings? What goes on at these meetings?

You get the point. I think there's a LOT of room in this topic for cool
stories and ideas. Please followup as soon as possible, so that I'll know
what you folks think of my "pet idea." 
Mason L. Bliss  - Mac hacker and (recently) UNIX junkie

[Good .signature.  -ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (Drew Lawson)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,
Subject: Re: Dead bodies under campus
Date: 5 Feb 93 17:37:15 GMT
Reply-To: (Drew Lawson)
Organization: ACUSON, Mountain View, CA

In article <> (Bruce Tindall) writes:

>I hope to discover that this has happened at just about every college
>in the world where there is a medical school.  Preferably while they
>were building the structure whose architect committed suicide.

But did the architect's roommate get a 4.0 for the semester?

Drew "Will kill campus architects for food" Lawson
Drew Lawson                      If you're not part of the solution,                you're part of the precipitate

[Good cheating approach... I always wondered while people got up
early on the morning of an exam... I guess I just thought they 
were studying... --ian ]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (John C Parker)
Subject: Re: Methods of cheating
Keywords: pants and hats
Date: 8 Feb 93 14:31:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

A couple of tricks I've observed are, first, wearing loose jeans with
holes in the knees and have writing on your thighs.  Second, people
writing under the brim of their baseball cap.  Also, other variations
on this theme.

While at Michigan State, I recall a story about a professor who had
given the class an essay exam but gave them the question the night
before so they could prepare their answer but did not allow them to
bring any notes into the exam.  Two people in the class wrote the answers
to their essay out in bluebooks, went to the exam room, and taped them
in an envelope to the bottom of their desks in the early a.m.  About 45
minutes into the exam they tore out their bluebooks from under their
desks and handed them in for 4.0's.


[Some good quotes re: usenet.  I thought the posting hosts were very 
interesting here.  'Fullfeed' is explained below.  The cleveland freenet
gives unix/internet access to any US citizen.  --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (Kenneth Freeman)
Newsgroups: alt.culture.usenet,alt.quotations,news.future
Subject: Re: Usenet is ... (was Re: The Usenet motto)
Date: 10 Feb 93 08:17:00 GMT
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA (Ray Lampman) writes:

> In article <> (Chip Salzenberg) writes:
> # "usenet: it's not an obsession.
> #  it's just something I have to do ALL THE TIME"
> #     - Meredith "gypsy" Tanner
> Usenet is "the closest thing this planet has to a collective consciousness."
>       - Ray Lampman (Ray.Lampman@FullFeed.Com)
> Usenet is "the last uncensored mass medium."
>       - Steve Crocker (aq817@cleveland.Freenet.Edu)
> -- 
> Ray.Lampman@FullFeed.Com ,^-_  FullFeed provides public access to
> FullFeed Communications  L   `; Usenet news and E-mail, plus UUCP
> Madison, WI 53704, USA   \ . J    connections to the Madison area
> voice +1 608 246 4239     L__]   data +1 608 246 2701 login guest

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind,
and the Usenet is their vehicle. -After Churchill

INTERNET: (Kenneth Freeman)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!kfree
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115

[This is sooo berkeley... if you've never been to berkeley, just imagine a
a nice coffee house, pretty weather, a great latte', and about three people
talking loudly near you like this.  --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (Robert B Parisi)
Newsgroups: alt.whine
Subject: Bitch,complain,whine
Date: 7 Feb 93 00:52:11 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: U. C. Berkeley Open Computing Facility

I HATE....

People's Park, the people in People's park, the smell of urine in
People's park, homeless people asking me for money, drug addicts
asking me for money, people who walk up to me on campus and ask me if
I want to go to a bible study group, politically correct language,
unflushed urinals, unflushed toilets, empty toilet paper dispensers,
public bathrooms without seat covers, seat covers that rip when you
try to tear out the middle part, walking into a bathroom and seeing
a homeless person washing their hair, people occupying my favorite
stall, people who erase the graffiti in my favorite stall, the naked
guy, the guy who dresses like a woman and calls himself/herself the
hate man, the Oakland A's, cities that can't build new ballparks,
unrepaired freeways from '89 quake, the East Shore freeway, old people
who drive, people who drive with their head up their ass, people who
drive faster than me, people who drive slower than me, people who wear
Raiders stuff but don't give a shit about the team, that stupid little
kid on Married With Children, re-runs of Cheers when Diane was on the 
show, tourists who come to Berkeley on weekends, anal retentive meter
maids, paying $50 for a textbook worth about $10 and then selling it
back and only getting a $1.50 for it, reading an article on alt.whine
and then realizing it was your brother who wrote it, brothers who 
forward me articles from the Star Trek newsgroup, microwave food that
doesn't cook according to the directions on the box, when they have
ugly girls on Studs, shitty baseball players that make $1.5 million,
whatever team represents the AFC in the Super Bowl, uncooked burgers
from Jack in the Box, cooked burgers from Jack in the Box, not having
a bathroom near the computer lab when you have to take a shit.

More to come.....

[Oh those fratboys....--ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
Subject: Oh those wacky frat boys

'Explosive liquid' not crystal clear to NMSU fraternity brothers
Las Cruces Sun News, Friday, Feb 5, 1993

Some New Mexico State University fraternity brothers attempted
to blow up bottles of a clear liquid by throwing them off the roof of
a two-story building at 1804 Wyoming Wednesday, police said.

When the liquid would not blow up, they tried putting
firecrackers in the bottles to ignite the liquid -- that didn't work
either, said State Police Capt. John McAninch, commander of the Las
Cruces District.

The problem was the clear liquid was Crystal Pepsi, the new
form of Pepsi Cola, he said.

Although the liquid was in clearly marked bottles, McAninch
said the students told him they didn't know what it was.

[I remembered this one the other day and I thought it was approporaite
for how nerdy I've been feeling. Sorry if anyone's seen it before. Its
a reply by (yet another) ian to an article about a mosquito-repellant
device with an "inexhaustible solar power supply!".  io is seriously
deranged. Seriously.  --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: odonnell@hkn.Berkeley.EDU (Ian O'Donnell)
Subject: Re: 'appy 'olidays
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 92 09:25:21 PST

You forgot to figure in the fact that that energy from the sun is emitted
onto the surface of a sphere of radius R.  Take R = the distance from
the sun to the earth and divide that surface area by the actual receiving
surface area of the device.  This tells you what percentage of the sun's
potential energy will actually land on the the device to power it.  (Note that
this simplified analysis neglects loss due to atmosphere, etc.)
So I figure this device probably has solar panel dimensions around 6" by 6".
That is 0.25 ft^2 or 8.9675e-09 miles^2.  
If I recall correctly the earth is 93 million miles from the sun, so
the 'Pointing Vector' (Average E per square mile) of the sun is:
E_s / Area  = (1.8e45 J)/(4*pi*R^2) = (1.8e45 J)/(1.0869e+17 miles^2)
S = E_s / Area = 1.6561e+28 J/miles^2.  Then the amount the device receives
= Area_panel * S = 8.9675e-09 * 1.6561e+28 = 1.4851e+20 J.
That's only about 1.5e8 terajoules!  Even less than first suspected!
Of course the sun doesn't shine 24 hours a day (except in the polar regions,
but we can either state that 1) The angle of incidence of sunlight is 
off the normal and thus less light is absorbed or 2) the time average of
the amount of sun is about 1/2 a day per day per year) so we can safely
multiply this result by 1/2 as the average amount of useful sunlight time
per day (as the other half the time the sun is power some other person's
mosquito thing in China).  Thus the 'inexhaustible' power supply only
has the capability to get 7.4255e+19 J (neglecting absorptive coeffcient,
average incident angle of sunlight, average number of days spent per year
camping -- when it would actually be used, etc.)
This is the energy contained in 825 kg of mass.  Off the top of my
head I don't know how that translates to kilotons of nuclear warheads, but if
I find the value I will post it.


The "solar-powered anti-mosquito guard" could be even more effective if
it stored this energy, and then detonated when a hungry female were nearby!

Yes Dorthy, there is a place for the cold war engineers to go!  A stalemate,
a balance of power, will keep the other mosquitos at bay!

[I was looking around for some flame-wars (always good FREAKSHOW fodder)
and I found that is a serious flame fest between nerdy
derfs who forge postings about how arrogant and pompous the mensa asses
are, and the mensa asses complaining (in perfect english) about the
derfs.  I can't beleive someone actually posted this.  Arrogant fool.
Note the "smart" NAME environment variable.]  --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=------------------------------
From: (The Polymath)
Subject: Re: Bashing the bashers?
Organization: The Cat Factory
Date: Fri, 12 Feb 1993 17:09:24 GMT

In article <729471987.AA00000@blkcat.UUCP> (Dave Aronson) writes:
} (The Polymath) writes:
} TP> If you analyze these threads you'll find they're invariably started by
} TP> self-righteous non-members (over whom we have no control) and perpetuated
} TP> by a small handful of members (also uncontrollable) who refuse to ignore
} TP> the idiots or respond to them via e-mail.
}Or who TRY to respond to them via e-mail and find that the address given does
}not exist, let alone belong to the poster.

Yet another reason to ignore them.  Ill-mannered, cowardly children,
hiding behind anonymity and forgeries while hurling insults, are
undeserving of response.  IMHO, perpetuating their flame wars is beneath
our dignity.  It only lowers us to their level.

"Never wrestle with a pig.  You'll both get dirty and the pig likes it."

The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe, M.A., CDP, aka:
Head Robot Wrangler at Citicorp                "If you can't stand solitude,
3100 Ocean Park Blvd.   (310) 450-9111, x2483  perhaps others find you boring
Santa Monica, CA  90405                        as well."  -- Mark Twain

[As a postscript to the previous article there was a posting in the 
same newsgroup asserting that "Shockley" (Nobel prize winner for the
transistor and general geneto-racist fool) still is listed in the
Palo Alto phonebook. Hm.  --ian]